if you’re reading this article because the title of the post was the most gripping thing you’ve read since the instructions that came with prescription medicine, then fuck you. You’re what’s wrong with the internet. Click bait has got to be one of the most annoying trends of modern social networking. Everyone wants their article or video to get millions of views, yet almost all of them eventually realize nobody is going to give two shits about the content, so they have to resort to lying to you about what’s inside to get your click. It’s like giving someone a dried dog turd in a beautifully decorated and intricately gift-wrapped box. It may look exciting from the outside, but you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment once you’re in.
Sure, I know click bait titles have been around for as long as newspaper reporters needed to find a way to trick people in reading their article about something that was only interesting to the guy writing it in the 1920’s, but I think we can all agree that Facebook has turned click bait into a modern god damn plague. I’ll use something that came across my Facebook wall today as an example. Mr Nick Johnson is adamant that our jaws are about to experience the most drop worthy thing in their entire lives, yet presents us with a boring as fuck video of something that was probably cool in the 1970’s when Canon released a lens that let people do this, which is called tilt shift photography. Or maybe I am wrong? Maybe tilt shift videos are such a new and exciting discovery that this truly is as jaw dropping as he says…
Hmm, guess not. Maybe it’s the only tilt shift video of Wellington, New Zealand?
Then there is the entire fucking website this article came from, HomeSnacks. For starters, there isn’t a single cheese cracker or bagel anywhere on the home page, so you’re already lying about the snacks part, But the worst part is still to come.
This, for example, was the social card on Facebook for the article:
If you didn’t watch the video, you may be wondering what that mysterious lady circled in yellow did, after all, this is the most jaw dropping thing you’ll see today! But, if you’ve understood my article so far, you would not be surprised to learn that this lady doesn’t even appear in the video, nor does she have any-fucking-thing to do with the video whatsoever. The fucking tools that run that website just circled a random god damned woman in a random photo to make people click on their shitty links. I’d like to point out that I did actually like the video, it is neat. I’m just saying these assholes are selling a “made for the photo shoot” Big Mac, while giving us the normal one you get in a McDonalds.
And if you think the click bait is only strong with one article on this god awful website that somehow attracts more than 2 people and their mum’s, then these are the other articles I found… just on the home page:
And before you ask: No, none of the circled or pointed at things in the photos have anything to do with what the fucking articles are about. And the more observant of you may have spotted a pattern in their article titles as well. I think I know what they’re doing. Ever noticed how when a stand up comedian say a city’s name on stage the whole crowd lose their shit? “OMG, he said the name of a city I live in, WHOOOOOOOOO”. I think HomeSnacks is simply trying to take advantage of the same phenomenon. The comments from New Zealander’s on that article I linked earlier seems to confirm that this is indeed working pretty well.
As much as I hate to admit it, HomeSnacks seems to have made a pretty damn successful business out of this. They somehow managed to get over 401k unique monthly visitors by posting half-arsed content dressed in full-arse suits, and laughing all the way to the bank with their advertising dollars.
So I guess the real question is, who are the biggest assholes? The websites posting click bait, or the mindless drones that like, share and follow these terrible wastes of internet real estate?