“The war on men” needs to fucking stop – International Men’s Day Special

Oh boy… I was wondering when I would be brave enough to tackle this subject. The gender debate is probably the only one that can give abortion, gun control and religious debates a run for their money. It can’t be put off any longer however, as I feel that even though there are amazing people discussing men’s issues, it is still not getting the attention it deserves. Hell, a university just got themselves into a pot of hot water by cancelling their planned International Men’s Day event because about 200 students and staff complained. The statement that came with the cancellation? Here’s the tweet:

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Apparently, gender equality means recognizing only one gender’s issues, and ignoring the other completely. If the definition of “equal” was really that loose, I could probably pass high school maths by writing “anus” as the answer to every equation.

4+4= anus. Congratulations, here’s your Master’s Degree in Mathematics!

Since today is #internationalmensday, this is the perfect day for my biggest rant yet. So big in fact that I just used a god damn hashtag. You know shit is serious when I use one of those son’s of bitches. Now before we go anywhere near this can of worms and some easily offended readers (and if you are one, why the hell are you reading a rant blog?) start shitting themselves shouting “you fucking misogynist pig!” at their computer monitors or smartphones, let me make something perfectly clear:

I. Don’t. Hate. Feminists.

I don’t hate feminism either and as a matter of fact, I 100% support it. As an example, one gender equality debate that has engulfed many female celebrities and countless politicians around the world is the gender pay gap, which when you really look at things like years of experience, is not quite as big as people are saying. Regardless of the truth behind the gap, and whether quoted statistics are indeed correct or not, the point still stands that your salary should still have nothing to do with your gender. The dollar value that decorates your pay check should reflect your work ethics, years of experience and skill level. Nothing more, nothing less. Whether you have a inny or an outie between your legs should have no bearing on what amount of money you get to take home every pay day.

Feminism (rightly) seeks to fix these issues, and I can’t see why that would be a bad thing. Feminism has accomplished many other great things, such as giving women the right to vote and own property, the right to equal education and reproductive rights. These are all fantastic, and helped a great deal in narrowing the divide between the sexes over the last century.

There is a problem, however. While feminism has done a lot of good things for women around the world, some of the more modern and vocal men-hating feminists, or feminazis as they are affectionately known on the internet, are trying absolutely everything they can to break down “male privilege”, mostly by trying to ruin as many people’s lives as possible. Like the MP in the United Kingdom that burst out laughing at the suggestion that parliament should debate gender issues affecting men, such as the sky rocketing suicide rate, and the fact that men can also be victims domestic violence. Because a four times higher rate of suicide is fucking hilarious. I can’t believe a politician instead of a professional comedian came up with that zinger. It’s even better than the classic “deal with airline food” gag:

What’s the deal with male suicide rates? Amirite?! *audience laughs*

Then we have another example in this absolutely lovely and totally not an asshole person (who is a fucking Diversity Officer of all thing). spewing her beautifully poetic bullshit with a hashtag: #killallwhitemen. What an excellent role model for tolerance and equality! With those suicide rates quoted above, maybe she’s well on her way to accomplishing her goal, eh?

So, men are four times more likely to commit suicide, which if you’re not a certain UK MP, isn’t a joke. Know what else isn’t funny? Male victims of abuse. Of course, the cliche of the angry drunk husband beating his wife didn’t come to be by accident. There’s definitely a problem with domestic violence against women, and every measure available should be taken to help prevent it, and support women who suffered at the hand of their partners. With that said, a woman suffering abuse has a lot, and I mean a lot of organizations and people available to them when they go out looking for help.

A 2007 study found that about 24% of relationships were violent, and half of those were reciprocally violent, meaning both the male and female actively took part in the violence. The study also found that in non-reciprocal violent relationships, it is the woman who is the aggressor more than 70% of the time. That is to say, in cases of domestic violence where there is only one aggressor, that role was played by the female more than 70% of the time. Make of those statistic what you will, but it does at least highlight the fact that men aren’t always the abusers and are often victims of abuse as well. Now the accuracy and age of that study aside, this does lead me to yet another horrible fact: Nobody gives a flying shit about male abuse victims. There are women’s shelters scattered around just about every major city in the world, but almost none aimed at male victims. For example, in the UK the provision of refuge places 7,500 are for women where only 60 are for men. That article also states that 40% of abuse victims are men, yet the refuge places available to men only makes for 0.8% of the total.

Another problem is that it is hard for a male victim to seek help. Male victims are often laughed at or told that they probably deserved it when they try calling a domestic abuse hot line. Imagine a badly beaten woman turning up at a shelter and being told “she probably deserved it”. There would be a bloody war on their doorstep. Sometimes, like in the case of Australia’s Department for Child Protection and Family Support, they just go right out of their way to deny that male victims exist at all, and that the only domestic violence help a man will ever need basically amounts to “You’re a violent piece of shit, here’s how to not be a cunt to women. You asshole.”. If you don’t believe me, here’s a screenshot of their website. I highlighted a few things in case you miss them:

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Even the “Freedom from fear” resources at the bottom has a 3 to 5 ratio of booklets blaming men for all domestic violence. The other two? The first one is just the same one for women, so that doesn’t even apply here, and the second one is pretty much just the web page itself in PDF format. So not only does a large chunk of society put their fingers in their ears shouting “la la la” whenever we mention male victims, we actively label every human being with the misfortune of having a penis as a potential abuser and refuse to acknowledge them when they are the victims.

Suicide rate starting to make sense yet? No? Well, it gets fucking worse:

Speaking of men being unfairly labeled, there is another label society just fucking loves to hurl at men: Rapist. Rape is a vile and disgusting crime, and perpetrators of rape deserve absolutely everything their country’s legal system can throw at them. Maybe even a heavy object or two. No woman should ever have to go through something like this. There are very few things that can do as much damage to a girl’s life than being a victim of sexual abuse. But nobody seems to give a shit that male rape victims exist too. Men are “made to penetrate” at virtually the same rate as women report rape, and nobody fucking cares.

Most men never report it, because they get laughed at and joked about, and in quite a lot of cases public opinion on male rape goes straight to the “What?! He should be happy! She’s hot!” basket. Nobody seems to understand that a man has just as much right to consent or say no as women do. A university in California took a lot of flak for putting up this poster:

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Now before I get to this, I should say, I like that poster. Why? Isn’t it a horrible thing to say that women can’t consent when they’re drunk, but men can? That a man’s consent means nothing? The thing is, that’s how insanely biased against men rape allegations have become. At least this poster warns male students of the fact that the legal system is stacked against them, and that the best way to avoid a potential life destroying rape accusation is to simply stay the fuck away from drunk girls altogether. We have been indoctrinated for decades to believe that men can’t be victims, and that women can never be rapists. If I was a college age student in 2015, I’d have a motherfucking lawyer with me for every sexual rendezvous, and make everyone sign legal disclaimers stating that they did indeed consent before any horizontal jogging commences.

We haven’t even touched on fabricated rape allegations either. I have been exposed to far more stories about men that have been falsely accused of rape than there should ever exist, probably the most famous one being the article published by the Rolling Stone detailing the story of Jackie’s rape, that turned out to be a lie that got them in a lot of trouble, but only after plastering the poor guy’s name all over the internet. By far the worst part of this epidemic of girls crying rape to cover up an affair or for simply feeling guilty about a sexual encounter, is the insane amount of damage it does to the victims of the false accusations. Even after being acquitted of the crime, victims often face difficulties finding jobs and support since the accusation is the one thing that stands out the most in their public record. All the social media posts, Tweets and hastily assembled newspaper articles naming and shaming the guy when they are accused of rape stays in Google forever, even if they were proven innocent later on. No one ever goes back and delete those tweets, or rewrite the news articles to say that the man is actually not a rapist.

“Nice CV… but, we Googled him and found out that he is a rapist! Throw it in the bin.”

There’s a lot more I can talk about, be it accusing a grandfather of being a pedophile because he had the nerve to take his grandson to a pool, that there is a war on “manspreading” in public transport while nobody gives a single fuck that there is a lady two rows back taking up 3 seats with all her shopping bags, or the fact that husbands lose 83% of child custody battles after a divorce. But who gives a shit, right?

Look, I know some of you probably got to this part of this post thinking I hate women and that I am some bitter asshole who won’t be happy until gender equality has made a u-turn back to the 1950’s. That could not be farther from the truth. I simply want equality for ALL human beings, regardless of their race, sexual orientation and their gender. I want females who do the same job I do to have the same opportunities I do and get paid an equal amount. I want women to be able to feel safe from predators and have access to all the help and support they could ever need. I want to see more women in positions of power who deserve to be there because of their intelligence and hard work. I just don’t think the right path to equality is “Take everything away from men!” but rather by creating a level playing field on all fronts. I’ll trade you “equal paying jobs” for “men serving the same jail sentences as if a woman committed the crime”.

I saw this on Facebook recently:


That’s great, and I don’t say that sarcastically either. Everyone should be a supporter of their own rights and to not be discriminated against. All I’m trying to say is:

Why does there even have to be a “side” to be on in the first place? Why can’t everyone just be on “humanity’s side” instead of discriminating against each other based on what genitals they were born with?

We are all human, we are all equal. Lets start acting like it.



If you’re a man in the Caterbury region (New Zealand) in need of help, check out these amazing guys.

“The war on men” needs to fucking stop – International Men’s Day Special

Shitty teenage drivers are failing their driving tests. Labour MP: “Better lower the standards”

So, I just read this article on the New Zealand Herald’s website. Apparently, a bunch of teenagers ( and one really stupid Labour MP) are having a whinge about failing their drivers licence tests, and then having to pay to resit them. Now the cost of the tests is something I can agree with (it is pretty damn expensive), especially for families in lower income brackets. That is not what I am here to argue. No, my issue with this story is the fact that they are complaining about the tests being “hard”.

For us normal people, this doesn’t come as a surprise. Of course driving tests are hard, they’re supposed to be. The one and only purpose of a licence of any kind is to demonstrate that you are 100% comfortable and competent at doing the thing the licence is for, be it for using a firearm or propelling a 2-tonne piece of metal down a paved piece of earth and not mowing down children while texting your mates. Let me just say there is a very good reason commercial flights doesn’t start with the air hostess addressing the cabin with “Thanks for flying Air New Zealand, now, who wants to fly this fucker today?” No, that job belongs to the people who spent a fortune and several years earning their licences to be there.

Now let me introduce you to Labour MP Anna Lorck. She is not a normal person. To give you an idea of just what insane level of stupid we are dealing with here, here’s a quote from the article:

Ms Lorck said perhaps one way to address the situation was to allow restricted drivers who have had 12 or 18 months on the road who have not got a single demerit point in that time to go on to their full licence without another test.

“Why are we making people go back and sit a test when they have already been on the road driving?” she asked.

Why are we making people go back and sit a test when they have already been driving on the road? Why indeed?

How about “because if they can’t pass a test that is already far easier than it should be, then they are terrible fucking drivers, and giving them a bloody license is a really stupid fucking idea?”


I am actually having a hard time trying to express just how butt-fuckingly retarded her idea is. If  our solution to people failing things is to just straight up lower the standards to make them pass, then how long until we have idiots flying our airplanes, or becoming doctors?

“We know you’ve failed university, but seeing as how you’ve already been in medical school for 6 years, we’re just going to give you your doctorate anyway. Have fun performing potentially life threatening operations on people!”

Tests, and failing them, are crucial for a successful and safe community. You don’t get a “participation medal” in the real world. Especially when people’s lives are at stake. It’s time we embrace failure for what it is. Failure is not a sign of something being too hard, it is a sign of not being good enough.

So, Ms Lorck. How about we approach this in a less batshit crazy way, and propose that to help teenagers pass their tests, we actually teach them how to drive properly instead?

Shitty teenage drivers are failing their driving tests. Labour MP: “Better lower the standards”

Facebook messenger is stupid – and notifications in general

I have stubbornly refused to install the Facebook messenger app ever since Facebook thought the best way for their users to communicate, is by removing the perfectly functional capabilities from the main app, and force us all to install a completely separate one. Maybe Mark Zuckerberg just can’t enjoy masturbating with billions of dollars anymore, knowing the entire human race only have 3 apps owned by them installed on their smartphones instead of 4.

I have no issue with the app itself though, some people love spending every second of their lives chatting with people they don’t care about enough to talk to face to face. For these people having an app with some added functionality so they can send each other stickers instead of actually communicating with each other is great. The issue I have, is that they removed the ability to check and reply to messages through the normal Facebook app, yet for some absolutely infuriating reason left this annoying little fucker behind:

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Numbers in little red circles are the modern world’s polio… well, until those anti-vaxxer fuckwits bring the real thing back, of course.

Fan-fucking-tastic. Now my phone will forever have that stupid notification icon displayed, and if I dare tap on it, Facebook tells me to download Messenger. To hell with that, I’ll use my web browser. Take that Zuckerberg. But of course, since the Facebook app is such a horrible bloody thing, even if you read the message elsewhere, it takes a million years for the damn thing to go away. I have a solution though:

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I hate notifications. By far the most annoying part of the modern world (and smartphones in particular) is that you are always connected to the rest of the world, even when you don’t want to be. Having your smartphone beep, vibrate and blink every time literally anything fucking happens, no matter how unimportant, is like having one of those creatures people insist on pushing out of their vaginas then taking on long plane rides or to the supermarket to annoy every human being within earshot. They are nothing but attention seeking leeches.

Some apps are even worse, like the Air New Zealand app, which I actually love because you can use it to board the plane without having to go to a check in counter. I get to board a plane with minimal contact with other humans, and that is perfect. But, the problems start when you land at your destination. Upon disengaging flight mode, the app throws a notification at you, telling you about all the activities and sights you can ignore, because they are probably all really shit. Unless you landed in Queenstown, which is actually nice.

While that is lovely if you are a tourist and the purpose of your visit is to actually go sightseeing, but every time I fly to Auckland for work, I really don’t care. So, I clear the notifications. But wait, what’s this? The notification is back again? Ok, clear it a second time. Again? What the flying fuck? And the you go through this another dozen times or so.

My mother always ask me why I even have a mobile phone if I ignore almost all phone calls, text messages or notifications. The answer is simple: To me, my smartphone is for browsing the internet when I’m not near my computer. I genuinely would love a smartphone designed with a web browser app, and nothing else.

Facebook messenger is stupid – and notifications in general

Getting ID’d at 30 when buying alcohol pisses me off.

Can you tell the difference between the two photographs below?

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If you guessed “The left photo is of kids, while the right photo is of an adult that is probably above the legal drinking age” then congratulations on being much, much smarter than whatever mouth breathing asshole came up with the “if you look under 25, we’ll ask you for ID” nonsense.

I’m 30 years of age, so naturally whenever a supermarket employee is greeted by a box of beer and this face:


The first thing they do is make sure I am not an overly developed yet nervous and sweaty 12 year old trying to buy booze illegally from a fucking supermarket, the Nazi Germany of ID checking. Seriously, if you were underage, the absolute worst place you could possibly go for your illegal alcohol purchases is the supermarket.

Now look, I understand we can’t have pube-less drunkards throwing up on every street corner, but at the very least we should try and have a more common sense approach to this problem. If you can’t tell the difference between a teenager and a grown man, then you shouldn’t sell alcohol.

Getting ID’d at 30 when buying alcohol pisses me off.