I use Google alot (yes I spelt that wrong on purpose so I could link to one of my favourite articles of all time). The internet has a wealth of knowledge right at your fingertips. Nowhere else can you diagnose the symptoms for the disease you definitely have and is absolutely going to kill you, watch a video of someone falling off a skateboard all while researching homosexuality in the animal kingdom* in another tab. Everything you used to have to visit a library for, is now just a click away. You don’t even have to get up.
There is one major problem however. It seems that every website in existence is just a Html version of a teenage girl on Facebook. All they really want is as many “friends” as possible. I speak of websites that refuse to let you do anything until you’ve given them your name, alias, email address, date of birth, blood type and estimated ransom value of your eldest child.
Recently, I came across a real estate term I have never heard before, so I decided to Google its meaning. I immediately found a website teasing me with the answer in the blue tagline, nestled between other search results. As soon as I clicked it, I was greeted with a lovely “you need to be logged in to see this” message. Really? I need to create an account I will use a grand total of one single time, just to get the answer I seek? Forget it.
That made me think though, if a website is trying to be so super secretive with their content that you need to tell them your mother’s maiden name to gain access, then why the hell do they let Google crawl the user controlled content in the first place? If you’re not going to give me what I want the second I click on your URL in the search results, then can you kindly get the fuck out of my search results? Thanks.
I don’t get it. You don’t see exclusive members of the local 6 year old’s secret tree house posting blurbs of everything they discuss on the tree trunk below, so why do websites do it? I think I have an answer: They tease you with what they want, but refuse to give it to you without a trade. A trade for your email address.
It is a good thing then, that browsers come equipped with one of the most clicked on buttons in existence: The back button. And what do we say to websites asking for your email address?
* (Homosexuality in animals is totally a thing, so all you homophobic idiots can shove your “It’s not natural” argument up your ass. But don’t enjoy it, because that makes you a hypocrite if you’re male, because you can’t be homophobic and enjoy shoving things up your smelly cave at the same time).