I can’t stand shitty remixes of popular music

It takes a special kind of asshole to take a talented artist’s song and think “I can do better than that!”, only to double the tempo and replace the carefully written and rehearsed drum track with the sound a father makes with his foot on the imaginary brake pedal while taking his daughter out for her first ever driving lesson.

We use Pandora in the office at work, which I am insanely grateful for, since radio stations are nothing but a plague of shitty ads which gets at least triple the airtime given to the actual music they are supposed to be playing. And when they’re not playing ads, they’re spending 20 minutes talking for every minute of music being played.

Seriously, here’s a totally not made up pie chart radio DJ’s use:

Screen Shot 2015-09-14 at 4.03.03 pm

Where was I? Oh yeah, Pandora. Pandora is great as we have already determined, but there is one major flaw: It would seem to me that literally anyone can have their music on Pandora. Even shitty “artists” who’s only “talent” consists of playing other people’s music to much shittier drum tracks.

Earlier today, one of these came up. The anti-musician’s song choice was the excellent Sail by Awolnation. My first reaction was “I love this song!” however I soon realised something was off, with the tempo being much faster than usual. Naturally, the beat turned out to be your typical “doof doof” rinse and repeat rubbish, but the most impressive part of this particular version was how the “artist” managed to replace the keyboard track with a choir of tortured cats instead.

Don’t bother asking who the “artist” was, I didn’t feel he deserves any traffic (no matter how small) this may have gotten him. I also didn’t bother finding out who it was. Because fuck that guy.

I feel at this point that I should point out that I am not completely against the “doof doof” genre of music, I have a reasonably sizeable trance collection myself. All I ask, dear musicians, is this: If you’re making money from your music, make your own bloody music, give it a memorable melody, and for the love of god please do not Frankenstein someone else’s work.

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I can’t stand shitty remixes of popular music

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