Oh no, by all means. Please do ignore all the information right in front of you and email me obvious questions instead.

One of the perks of working in online marketing is getting asked questions people already have the answer to. Boy that never got old. I have learnt many things over my career, and one that I re-learn every day is that the only part of a website a user ever sees, is the contact us form. I could put US military secrets all over a company website and no one would notice.

By far my most memorable example is the website I managed for a company that specialises in the rental of construction equipment. On the home page, we had the 0800 number (New Zealand’s version of toll free numbers) in a font so large and bold, a Stormtrooper will be able to hit it with a blaster, even while standing more than 3 feet away from the computer.

If a nationwide toll free number was not your thing, we even had a handy map of the country, with the location and phone number of every single branch artfully arranged for those who can’t understand anything unless it comes with a picture. I felt this was pretty fool proof. But of course, I have yet to meet the fools…

Who likes guessing games? Here’s one: What was the most common complaint I received through the online contact form? If you guessed “I can’t find your phone number anywhere!”, then congratulations, you win… a cookie.

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No, not that kind. One of those cookies that tells Google what your favourite annoying YouTube ad is (probably the one of the douchebag bragging about his Lamborghini in his garage, everyone loves that one).

It’s a shame then, that Google requires your website to have actual content to rank on their search engine. If that wasn’t the case, the most effective corporate website in the world would be completely void of any and all content, and simply contained a big red button in the middle, with “Fuck! Help!” written on it.

Sometimes I feel our biggest achievement as a species is that we can dress ourselves.

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Oh no, by all means. Please do ignore all the information right in front of you and email me obvious questions instead.

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